CONTRAFLOW with Bobby McWheeler

The bike world’s best balanced, non-cycling, car-using, mildly polluting, highly irritating contributor. Since agreeing to write Contraflow for CityCyling I’ve been constantly asked who on earth do I think I am? How can an opinionated car driving, non-cyclist like myself have the bare-faced cheek to occupy precious virtual road space in the virtual world that’s CityCycling!? To me the answer is simple. CityCyling should reflect what cities are really like. Cars are everywhere. In our newspapers, in our magazines, on the television - even parked in our school playgrounds! Our children may ride push-bikes but the toys they play with are car shaped (or weapon shaped). Computer games are all about driving fast and banging in to things. This theme was picked up by that highly responsible company Renault and translated into the famous pinball TV ad with cars cheerfully banging off things. All great fun to watch and a great reminder of how safe driving can be with nice squishy airbags fitted as standard! (I believe the ASA rejected plans to ban the ad after a business-like exchange of letters).

So cars are as much part of the urban landscape as draincovers and giant wheeliebins. And thanks to the relentless provision made for push-bikes many cars end up becoming street furniture every morning as they wait in long lines on the way to work. But it cannot be denied that they are a real and vibrant part of the city as they sit there apparently doing nothing but looking good. That’s the magic of motoring. As you cheekily go by on your push-bike you are overtaking a whole community of small (and not so small) mobile homes. The time they sit there is not wasted with phones, food and entertainment all built in. Meanwhile (I’ve been told) you benefit from exercise and the chance to see snatches of other peoples lives. Of course every so often you might be accidentally invited in as a passenger door is casually opened. Push-bike people do get to see the whole thing - but at great personal risk. Meanwhile all I see is the car in front and the one behind - which often these days seems to be a military painted SUV with a flag I don’t recognise flying from the aerial. Now I’m sure this has nothing to do with the Mr Stroganov that tells me I’m some sort of folk hero in the letters page. In situations like these a totally peaceful, apolitical, mildly polluting, Walmart avoiding person like myself can feel more akin to a cyclist. In fact I might be safer cycling as my SmartCar is so easily spotted. I often get a friendly wave as I nip onto the coloured bits of road not used by the average vehicle. So I’m not part of the problem but an adaptive vehicle that’s somewhat like a push-bike. Except for the fact I pay road tax, have four wheels, a roof, lights, brakes, a CD system, SatNav - oh and the Talex Speed Trap detector that Mr Dunn kindly recommended last issue. Where I live SmallCars are actually quite unusual with many people buying LargeCars instead. In fact more people use push-bikes than drive SmallCars but I’m hoping my example will help some of them ‘let go’ and join the queue behind me on the road in a similar vehicle. Now I know what you’re thinking. ‘Bobby’s getting paid to recommend something. I thought he was an honest unpaid journalist that spoke his mind’.