Oddly enough though, many that use this type of human powered roadblock are wealthy enough to buy a car. Some actually own one and don’t use it. Very weird. People that live on large housing estates rarely use bikes. Which is a shame because if I did give them ‘a fright’ I would be unlikely to meet them at my golf club. One reason they don’t use them is that they take up as much road space as a car so they need to be stored somewhere. Some also cost a great deal. So what I dislike most is that most people that use them are just like me, so ‘teaching them a lesson’ is more difficult.

Everytime I see one it makes me feel bad and spoils my journey. This is not transport but mobile child-indoctrination because it makes children realise that you can actually cross town for nothing as quickly as a Ferrari. It makes me despair for the bright car-filled future promised every 15 minutes on TV. I can drive for hours behind the beautifully sculpted rear end of the fabulously sensual Renault Megane. But having to drive 2mph slower because someone is towing an ungrateful child is not fair.

The fact too that there is no mainstream advertising for such items makes the users of them more extreme. And extremists are dangerous in my view as they upset the balance of society and threaten my freedom to use my car when I want, where I want, how I want, any way up I want. It’s the right of everyone to go nowhere fast in style and these cycling mummies and daddies are spoiling it all by making it seem even slower than it really is. Luckily the magic of less slow push-bike journeys are never re-inforced by the mass media who are thankfully in the pay of people we can trust (You know who I mean. Email me for more details as due to security issues I can’t say here).

Most children still choose a slow car journey with plenty to eat over a fast bike journey. Parents too find that cycling a five year old in a child seat is one thing. Towing a ten year old on a trailer is another. The fact that almost every cross-town journey takes a bit longer by car is irrelevant to me. I’ve got SatNav and ICE and I only pay attention to other drivers (except in CC when I’m paid to read letters by push-bike owners). If car-drivers stick together we should persuade less people to cycle at rush hours and then we’ll have less of this ‘slower by car’ nonsense. Of course the journey will be just as slow but we will no longer feel angry at seeing push-bikes overtaking us.

Pedestrians walking faster than cars is another matter that I will return to later as this is yet another source of annoyance to drivers that needs to be sorted. Modern traffic is like a river. And like a river it cannot be diverted without causing a flood somewhere else. And because every city street will soon have a majority of car-owners, traffic restrictions are doomed to failure. A SmartCar or Toyota Pious at every door is the future and the spaces between will be filled with two-wheeled vehicles. Not push-bikes though - as that just wouldn’t be right. I’m off to do my Christmas shopping now. On-line of course as the streets are completely jammed with other peoples cars.