Fearlessly fighting the folding fanatics that threaten forward-thinking vehicular freedom - plus a quick look at what to avoid in family cycling...

Greetings from the commonsense zone. Where citycycling's only car owner should calmly be able to explain his point of view without fear of retribution. Unfortunately though, some people have decided that they don’t like the tone of what I’m saying, branding me as a car-loving cycliophobe(?) that wastes time sharing his ignorance with others. The basis for their smallminded opinion? My yet to be unproven claim that the rock-hard high pressure tyres on their small wheeled folding push bikes might just be damaging our precious soft tarmac roads. To them I say this. The Truth, like certain varieties of cheap push-bike saddles found at Halfords, hurts. Ouch.

One group in particular seem to think they can frighten me into silence on this tricky issue. To this group that goes by the name of ‘The Moultoneers’, nether I nor the Editor will give in to your tactics ("actually... I might - Ed"). Whoever sprayed a large ‘M’ on the passenger door of my SmartCar should be ashamed of themselves. The fact that the paint used was water-soluble just indicates that the culprit was educated and from the ‘direct-action spoke’ of this self-styled group. The Editor was similarly targeted but lacking a windscreen, his bike got away with a large sticker threatening “You’ll know when you’ve been Moultoned!".

This issue I’m looking at the shameful trend of using a bike to transport your children. This is one thing that upsets all normal road users in a hurry. The sight of a child behind mum or dad simply means that they can’t use the BMcW ‘fright’ technique of squeezing by, without fear of reprisals. Some more extreme drivers believe that taking any trailer on to the road is a challenge to fight for shrinking road space. I’m not one of those. Drivers have to realise that parents are very protective of their children and will do anything to protect them (after putting them in the way of danger!). All just because they’re too mean or lazy to drive.

So with push-bike child trailers remember that your car paintwork is more at risk than usual. So stay calm and maybe use your brakes and gears more than you would do when coming behind a solo cyclist. Often you see parents towing a broken half bike behind them. This is a tandem or tag-along apparently. But they’re not the same if you ever get a chance to look at them closely. Never talk to the owners as they’ll bore you with why they decided not to use a car. In fact there are dozens of devices designed to put families on to the roads using push-bike power. And because push-bike power is around 60w they all go very slowly so in their perverse way cause road rage and global warming.