All these bikes are becoming increasingly popular and the Moultons in particular are ridden too fast. Now if you can read the badging on any of these you are way too close! Easiest way to identify folders are by their minute wheel size and the rider who invariably is tall and educated. The fact that they cycle bikes with tiny wheels may be a kind of inverted power statement.

When asked though, they will always use logic to explain that the shape of the bike helps it fold easier. This is not the real reason. No, no and thrice no! Folders crave attention in a way that can only be equalled by the metallic-arsed beauty of the sensuous Renault Megane. Their confidence and logic is what frightens me. In any argument with these men (and women) you are going to come off badly. Firstly they’ve paid anywhere from 500 to 2000 pounds for their miniature bike so they’ve probably spent years thinking about their steed.

Secondly a high proportion of users actually work for the legal profession so know their rights and how to exercise them. Others work for the media and are friends with Jon Snow of Channel 4 (another Brompton person). They may also harbour a suppressed desire for a Harley. So if you see someone on a Brompton, Mouton, Dahon or any bike that ends in ‘on’ beware! Their bikes may have wheels smaller than my daughters first Barbie bike but the riders are tough and streetwise. The fact that the bikes can be folded in seconds allowing the cyclist to disappear is their ace card. This has wrong-footed many an adversary. With this shape shifting technology they can get on to any fast moving train and reappear in front of you again twenty minutes later. It’s this ability to morph that makes these machines appear sinister. But that’s not the real reason I would have them added to my growing list of bikes to be banned (3 speeds with baskets are already on it - see issue 4).

Firstly there is a basic honesty issue here. When I visit someone in a small flat I can see if they’ve got a push-bike or not. With a folder they may appear not to be and I may say something that will offend them.

Secondly from a criminal activity point of view you can commit a bike crime like riding on your pedal whilst crossing with the green man and get away with it more easily. When the police come knocking at your door you can conceal your folder no problem. Considering the current state of fear in this country this is a threat to national security.

Thirdly I come to a point that most of you will be oblivious to. You no doubt have seen an increase in potholes appearing in our city roads. Green readers will naturally blame heavy trucks but have you ever measured the pressure exerted on a surface by at the tiny epicentre of a 16 inch Brompton wheel with 95psi tyre? LORII (L’Organisation de la Rue et Infrastructure International) have and their evidence makes shocking reading. The average axle load applied by a standard Brompton was around a sixteenth of a ton. More worrying is what happens when they are loaded up - just examine the amount that bike campaigner Dave Holloday carries around on his Brompton!

Maybe a sixteenth of a ton doesn’t sound much to you. But if you’ve seen ‘House of Flying Daggers’ or any old Bruce Lee movies then you’ll know the that power of a human hand can smash a brick in two. Tarmac is a lot softer than that. By using a bike you are concentrating power on to a much smaller pressure point. Bike wheels are narrow and this pressure simply cuts into the road surface much like a circular saw. Of course all bikes do this to a degree but the Brompton was the worst offender leaving lines clearly visible on soft tarmac. How does this manifest itself in round holes? Simply by nibbling away at the edges day after day undoing all the good work of softer car and truck tyres (not bus tyres though because they’re quite different and do cause potholes due to their constant stopping and starting).