.honour thy bicycle and thy bike shop
It stands to reason - look after things and they'll look after you. Things have a habit of breaking at the most inconvenient of times and breakages are an unfortunate inevitability. But, honouring thy bike will cut the number down, and honouring thy bike shop will cut down on troubles when they do happen.

There are, of course, some people who take this commandment literally and bestow gifts upon their steeds, carry pictures in their wallets, and occasionally sacrifice squirrels to ward of punctures.

.thou shalt not fall
It's sometimes the most obvious rules that people have a hard time following.

Falling off a bike is not fun. There's that moment where you realise that you're going to come off, the point of no return where your brain tells your body that it's terribly sorry, but this is going to sting a little bit.

And then a strange thing happens. The world moves in slow motion and fast forward at the same time. While in the air it seems like an age before you hit the ground - but try and remember any mid-flight details and matters become a little hazy, it all happened too quickly.

Of course, if someone falls off with a very slow sideways topple after forgetting to unclip from their pedals... well... that is funny.

.thou shalt not commit Moultonery
It's just wrong. It looks like a folder, it's the right size and shape, with strange thin webbing-like tubing, and yet, when you come to fold it up, you simply can't. Clearly they're designed to make you look stupid. And people who ride them call themselves Moultoneers. I mean... please...

I can happily explain away recumbents, folders, even unicycles for getting to work. But there's something so basically and inherently not right about the Moulton. I'm willing to be proved wrong, we are of course speaking from a position of total ignorance having never ridden one.

But trust us, Moultoneers are really a secret orgnisation hellbent on taking over the earth one cyclist at a time until they have ultimate power in their hands whereupon their Moultons combine to make a large spacecraft to send the human race into space slavery.

Seriously.