The
girls, meanwhile, have got off to a quicker start.
Lead by Helen, a Norfolk cyclist of some repute (admittedly
some of it ill), they have made their way to the local
park to put their sales pitch into action. This has,
so far, involved spreading a layer of pins over the
cyclepath through the park, "Of course it's
a Sustrans path," says Helen, "So
we don't really need to do this, but better safe than
sorry."
Mildred,
however, is a despairing voice of dissent who seems
to be having trouble coming to terms with the moral
implications of what they are doing. "But
what if someone falls off and hurts themself?"
Mildred is a librarian from Tunbridge Wells and rides
a Brompton.
Charlie,
a fixie-chick courier from London is quick to point
out the pros of the plan, "We help them get
up, and Margaret, if they're wearing lycra you can
cop a feel." Mildred goes bright red, Helen
beams, and both set to work quickly.
The
boys have finally got moving. Or at least Brad and
Michael have. "What we need here are team
players. I'm a team player, but I can also work well
under my own initiative which is also important for
a team. So we need to be able to work as a team separately,"
Carl is talking to the mirror.
"Right
Mikey boy, we need some hard graft here."
Brad and Michael have positioned themselves outside
the bike sheds of a large multinational corporation.
Here there are upwards of 10 bikes parked after a
successful bike to work scheme.
"I'd
rather you didn't call me 'Mikey boy' you know."
"What?"
"I
don't like being called 'Mikey boy'. It's just not
very respectful and I have a degree you know."
"F***
you Mikey b..." Michael punches Brad.
.the
boardroom
Suralon,
flanked by two sock puppets, is watched by the two
teams. "Absolute f***ing disaster! What were
the boys like Margaret?". Suralon's lips
move almost impercetibly as Margaret replies, "They
were rather hopeless."
"And
Nick, what about the girls?" The sock puppet
gives its view plainly, "I'm sorry Suralon
I didn't really notice, I kept falling off my bike
for some reason." Helen can't look Nick
in the eye.
"Right,
let's look at the final tallies then. The boy's team,
you managed to lose £2567.73 after a fight broke
out in a bike shed damaged 6 bikes and Carl had to
get his Rapha jersey dry-cleaned after getting some
brake dust on it. Girls, well you made £5.42,
but I understand Mildred can't be here tomorrow and
has to appear in court on sexual harassment charges."
Everyone
looks sheepishly down at the workbench. Carl catches
his reflection in a pool of oil. "So Carl,"
he is broken from his reverie, "Who do you
think is responsible for you team losing?"
