.what
is 'fixed wheel'?
Fixed wheel is secret code
phrase, the use of which proves one is finally a member
of the international cycling fraternity rather than
merely a POB (Person On Bike). Higher ranking members
will also be able to dazzle the neophytes with talk
of gear inches, trackstands, rollapaloozas and nitto
bars. Fret not. When you are ready you will be enlightened.
Until then console yourself by assuming that anyone
who goes on and on about it to the point of tedium
is probably a wannabe bicycle messenger who thinks
wearing baggies and losing the freewheel makes him
some sort of style guru.
.does
the highway code say anything about if one is allowed
to strike with a mini-pump a car which has just cut
you up?
A
car that has cut me up? Why that is ever so sweet,
and I appreciate the sentiment, but I fear it is a
largely impractical proposition. Are you intending
to follow me around on the offchance? As you seem
somewhat desperate I am tempted to send you a signed
photograph, however I am rather afraid such a gift
would prompt ungentlemanly behaviour. My own response
to such rudeness is usually to turn the side panels
into a work of modern art using armoured gloves tailored
for me for this specific purpose by Klaxon & Strongarm.
This is not mentioned in the Highway Code, but the
Highway Code does not claim to offer any opinion on
hammer patterning as a valid art form.
.last
week I got a puncture and the bike shop said it would
take an hour to fix for me, is it usual to have to
wait so long?
Dear
boy, there are a number of reasons why a puncture
could take an hour to fix. You could be the apotheosis
of dashing good looks and the person serving you wished
to have that time to bask in your glory. The shop
could have been busy and you were in a queue. The
assistant thought you might like to admire the products
for sale but did not want to annoy your wife by taking
longer than necessary. Or perhaps you went to Halfords
and were being served by a knuckle-dragging chimp
with the technical know-how of an inebriated slug.
The
solution to all of these is simple: learn to do it
yourself.
.agony
aunt 
