6.
Irate motorists have won with their demand for special car priority lanes to cut travelling time during rush hours. The lanes will be known as ‘busy lanes’ and will replace existing bus lanes after a letter ‘y’ has been added in a massive overnight rebranding exercise. Transport consultants ROADAwakenings.Inc have reputably charged 30million pounds to implement.

“That works out at £1 per letter ‘y’ which is great value in anyones terms.” claimed a government apologist. “The fact was that many bus lanes were becoming increasingly irrelevant and needed a new image.“ ROADAwakenings.Inc have forecast a moderate increase in traffic chaos against a two percent decrease in travelling time.

7.
And lastly, who says public spirited individuals don’t exist amongst the younger generation of car users? When Rab decided to park his Vauxhall Corsa on the main railway line near Cumnock he instantly made a lot more friends than he realised. Many older people whose houses are alongside the line got the chance of a rare decent nights sleep. “For years now we’ve been disturbed by overnight coal trains on their way north to Hunterston power station near Glasgow. Thanks to Rab all that stopped for a few days and let the local community get some peace and quiet. His thoughtful action also blocked the main road too for a couple of days it was like the guid auld days.” said one confused local resident.

Some were impressed for other reasons. “You would not think that a crazy young guy like Rab cared about the environment but I think this serves to remind people about our reliance on fossil fuels. His selfless action of sacrificing his rusty Corsa under the front wheels of the 1000 ton train sent a clear red signal that these trains should stop," commented a Friend of the Earth spokesman from his candlelit home. Normal power generation returned after a 12 hour break. In the meantime there was traffic chaos as people elsewhere took to the roads to stay warm.

.bobby mcwheeler