Dear Mr McWheeler
You really are my last chance to find some justice and common decency. I regularly contribute to a cycling forum under the name Matt B to point out to cyclists the (many) errors of their ways. Despite my endless generosity and selfless devotion to ‘posting’ fresh opinions regularly, I’ve found that my candid views have upset many other cyclists. Some members of the forum have now labelled me as ‘Matt the Troll’ and suggest that I am some sort of sexual deviant. All very sad as I would have expected a more mature debate. You seem to be someone that can see both sides of the argument and are well respected. Can you suggest how I should proceed? Some of the things that have been said are very hurtful - so much so that I feel numb and unable to post.
M*tt le T***
c/o Brent Alpha Platform
near Shetland

Dear M*tt
What is this forum you speak of? If it’s on the internet then my Olivetti Echo laptop can only connect to pick up mail by a thing called a ‘gold card’? I use the local library to get the links in the articles - the assistant there is very nice. (My december Contraflow had no links because the library was closed). Of course I’m sure they don’t really want you to stop posting your opinions Matt. From what you’ve said your emails have inspired them to new levels of abuse. I’d like to see some of the insults - they may cheer me up a bit as things have been a bit quiet here! They’re quite a cruel lot, the cycling fraternity. You should be honoured that they even take the time to insult you!

Listen Bobby
Boris S called from the Hague. Message is ‘he will deal with you shortly’. He is currently helping NATO with a security matter but hopes to break off from discussions and be free to meet you soon. The tone of your Contraflow articles has continued to disappoint him and there have been signs that you may be siding with the ‘green lobby’. Who is this well wisher in CHE of whom you speak?

V. Radzynski
on behalf of B. Stroganov, c/o WCT The Hague

PS You may remember my letter about cyclists being idiots? I have since ‘hardened’ my view to include nanyone that fraternises with them. You would now do well to stay clear of CityCycling if you value your long term health and welfare.

Dear Mr Radzynski
Please send my regards to Boris and assure him that I will attend to his grievances in due course.