And lo, did god provide
man with the bicycle in order that he may more easily
come to worship. But man has free will and lo did it
come to the Sabbath and man did say 'bugger that, I'm
going to ride to Surbiton and have some cake.' But god
is a loving god and did not taketh away that which he
had givethed for he could see that it keepeth man from
unholy pursuits such as adultery, eating rabbits and
Bruce Forsyth. Lo did god speak to the disciples and
sent Jon Snow on his Brompton to a very big hill (for
London) with a list of commandments carved on a 1989
So speaketh the will
of god in the book of Revolutions and all cyclists shall
obey his will.
shalt have no other riders before thee
Call it duty. Call it
desire. It is a simple matter of fact that if you see
a rider in the distance, no matter how far ahead or
on what kind of bike, you must chase them down. You
are the greyhound, they are the hare.
does not mean, however, that when you pass someone you
are allowed to let out a little whoop of you, or unzip
your shirt and throw your arms in the air as if celebratinga
Tour stage win. For if you do thou shalt be struck down.
And there are plenty buses on the road to dispense with
the more usual thunderbolt.
shalt not make unto thee any graven image
has been much debate about this commandment and with
time it passed into desuetude, to the extent that between
the years of 1927 and 1996 the commandments were known
as the nine commndments.
then Halfords started selling cheap full-suspension
mountain bikes and everyone knew exactly what god was
shalt take the frame on board in train
is a well-known fact that train companies are in league
with the lord of darkness. The ticket inspectors wear
those little hats to hide their horns. The only way
to cleanse the evil spirit lurking on trains is to bring
your bike in.
beware the zealot who stops you embarking, he is an
emissary of evil and you must do all in your power to