And lo, did god provide man with the bicycle in order that he may more easily come to worship. But man has free will and lo did it come to the Sabbath and man did say 'bugger that, I'm going to ride to Surbiton and have some cake.' But god is a loving god and did not taketh away that which he had givethed for he could see that it keepeth man from unholy pursuits such as adultery, eating rabbits and Bruce Forsyth. Lo did god speak to the disciples and sent Jon Snow on his Brompton to a very big hill (for London) with a list of commandments carved on a 1989 Peugeot frame.

So speaketh the will of god in the book of Revolutions and all cyclists shall obey his will.

.thou shalt have no other riders before thee
Call it duty. Call it desire. It is a simple matter of fact that if you see a rider in the distance, no matter how far ahead or on what kind of bike, you must chase them down. You are the greyhound, they are the hare.

This does not mean, however, that when you pass someone you are allowed to let out a little whoop of you, or unzip your shirt and throw your arms in the air as if celebratinga Tour stage win. For if you do thou shalt be struck down. And there are plenty buses on the road to dispense with the more usual thunderbolt.

.thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image
There has been much debate about this commandment and with time it passed into desuetude, to the extent that between the years of 1927 and 1996 the commandments were known as the nine commndments.

And then Halfords started selling cheap full-suspension mountain bikes and everyone knew exactly what god was on about.

.thou shalt take the frame on board in train
It is a well-known fact that train companies are in league with the lord of darkness. The ticket inspectors wear those little hats to hide their horns. The only way to cleanse the evil spirit lurking on trains is to bring your bike in.

But beware the zealot who stops you embarking, he is an emissary of evil and you must do all in your power to combat him.