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The 'Advanced Ones' move at 20 mph and above so I have longer to take avoiding action if I notice them. They usually operate with some sort of deflection programme in their brain that keeps them away from me. In many cases they operate in a parallel universe only materialising when they do actually hit something large. It¹s all a bit strange and I sometimes wonder if they really exist - maybe there are only a few left now. They could be a physic phenomena that only appear when conditions permit. Do you believe in ghosts or shape-shifters?

Damn, I¹m almost making them sound glamourous but they're not. All of them when sighted are deformed with massive legs and massive saddle sores and only get pleasure from weird inserts for their shorts. This 'League of Phantom Cyclists' is predominantly male even though females could in fact join without even shaving their legs. Their dwindling numbers don't count against the mass ranks of motorists with their eco-friendly engines - though they are a cunning adversary and not to be underestimated. Their only weakness is that like the three speed user, they are of no-economic importance as they must take the rest of the day off to recover from the effort. For them I say it's time to wake up and smell the petrol or eco-diesel! Who has not been moved by Honda¹s brave attempts to make the world a cleaner place with their lovely flower filled ad on TV.

'Make something better' indeed! What do I hear from the cycling community in return? Nothing. That¹s right nothing - not the nice friendly hum of a well tuned engine backed up by millions of pounds of advertising....


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